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白色原野上吹来的风雪带来的凉意混着疼痛透过皮肤传到大脑中与二十年前的自己完成联结,身体一如以往切实地站在这里。若不曾有离开这里的生活经验,这片土地是不能被称为“故乡”的,我便也不会有拍摄这里的欲望。
幼年的记忆已无法拼凑出完整的画面,长辈所言曾发生过的事件如虚构般难以证实,睡梦中那个屋后阴暗、遍布杂草灌木丛的场地却真实地出现在眼前。在这里应该发生过什么事情吧?为何我对此地有着无法控制的好奇和恐惧?是不愿离家而去的孤魂只得站立于这屋后的不见天日之处吗?雨雪模糊了我的眼睛和他的身形,风吹在树上发出的声响盖住了他正尝试对我诉说的话语,也许他也只是同我般站在这灌丛之中、不言不语,毫不躲闪的目光直接而持久的同莫名心痛的我对视着。
已经开始产生完整记忆的童年画面中并未有太多他人出现。经常在天台上发呆的小孩想的内容无法得知,地面和栏杆传来的凉意和厕所的恶臭之气却如此刻般清晰,这身体性记忆竟如此坚固,向我解释着自己为何总是对“遭人鄙夷的孤僻空间”的选择执拗多过“光鲜亮丽场所”。期翼着用相机实现“寻找”,最后发现它只是“佐证”,这些当下拍摄却存在于过去的照片,正在对我于他处拍摄时所选择的瞬间做出证明。
没什么能比得上在此时、在这里、在这被风雪充斥着的故乡的当下对过往一年做出回想更合适的了。“他者”“意志”“经验”“身体性”“凝视”“景观”···在不断尝试着透过观察崩坏意义使得事物外观得以重现之中,生&死&记忆缠绕而成的新的个人意志却在不断地更多地付诸于眼前事物上。一切只是徒劳却又孕育着希望。
评论 6 :
寧拾玖
懂事长z_
贺兰
周慕云
乱芳华
Daydreaming Boy