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从地铁站出来,我本打算沿着记忆中的路走,然而不久之后便被一种无法释然的、疑惑的心情笼罩。我当然知道那么多年来道路的样子会变,然而努力搜索着记忆寻路而行的过程中,始终无法唤起好似看到了似曾相识的路标的熟悉感,只是一个劲儿地在陌生的道路上,亳无依凭地彷徨着,内心被一片茫然无措的空漠填满。
期间我好几次怀疑,是不是我完全想错了,实际上早就偏离了原来的路,于是又走了回来,然而无论怎么想都想不出哪里有错,除了眼前这条不可能还有其他的路,于是又否定了刚才的想法,回到了原来的出发点。最终,当我终于发现被我当作记忆中唯一可靠凭证的那条巨大的货车轨道也完全无法找到的时候,我己不得不承认自己记忆出错的事实,可是仍然像被狐妖迷惑了似的固执地抱着一丝不死心,想着反正不指望了就随便走走吧,凭着感觉拐进一条岔道。
四合的暮色里我在全然陌生的住宅区里胡乱晃悠,拐过一个街角的时候,突然看到一幢和周围的家宅格格不人的、木造的旧式废屋,犹如灰色的亡灵般孤立于斯。瞬间我便感动涕零。那座废屋正是当年我回公寓的路上必经的建筑,当时还有人住,透过已有裂缝的玻璃窗常可以窥见老式电灯泡昏暗的光亮。那个时候这家已开始露出衰败之兆,而我尤其中意这种破败的风貌,每日晨昏路过之时,总像跟它打招呼似的按几下快门,它的样子我是如此熟悉,不可能认错。托这个亡灵出现的福,我的记忆又恢复了勃勃生机,多少能确定附近一带的大致方向和位置关系了。然而,包括我当时借住的公寓在内的房屋已经完全重建,眼前住宅区的样貌本身已与我的记忆毫无关联,只是一片陌生的风景罢了。
另一桩不可思议的事情是,当年我每回路过便反复拍摄的货车轨道,连同交叉于其上的无数铁轨、铁柱一起,如同海市蜃楼般消亡得干干净净,那片曾经被铁路占据的广阔土地如今被密密实实的住宅填满,就像凭空诞生了一座小小的城镇似的。唯有一座名为 “枕木公园”的公园,或许那是为了纪念过去存在于此处的铁轨而如此命名的吧?我姑且擅自做了个自认为合理的注解,离开了这座虚幻的小城。十九年的岁月不可小觑,如此漫长的时间里发生这样的变化是理所当然的吧?我想用这样的话骗自己,却被眼前的现实震撼得茫然。
来的时候本想拍一张夕阳下的铁轨就回去的,然而那看来只是无法兑现的承诺了。
评论 6 :
Unnecessaryenthusiasm

然也与飞
林野
熊二
Yp